Garage T. Rashington III – Salty Slop
Garage T. Rashington III – Salty Slop – Album Review
Let me be unequivocally clear about what I think about Garage T. Rashington III…
…HE’S EATING THE DOGS. HE’S EATING THE CATS. HE’S EATING…HE’S EATING THE PETS…
And that, dear readers, dear friends, is how you go about dating material. We’ll all know when this was written, even forty-five or forty-seven years later on down the road – so there you go. You’re welcome.
No surprises, Garage T. Rashington III immediately starts up this new album by grabbing himself by the pussy on “Vast Ocean Love” – he’s a star, so he lets himself do it. Evidently, he’s rocked so brutally hard throughout the past records he’s released, that we’re either now in the ballad-based phase of his career, or he just assumes all us of that were born to rock are just gonna go along with him as he enters into the artistic phase of his timeline. I don’t know what else to say other than this isn’t Metal at all! Delicate and gentle, this new woke anthem is as mild and inoffensive as your new step-aunt that doesn’t want to ruffle too many feathers before your uncle puts her into his will…but it’s also kinda nice too. I suppose you could call it a love song of sorts…it’s calm, it’s serene, it’s not gonna punch you in the nuts to get your attention, but it could quite possibly earn it by its charming-adjacent sound. I’ll tell you what’s real though…he’s got some genuinely rad ideas on the piano and how it interacts with the guitar. I try not to pump this guy’s tires any further than he would himself (lest he explode), but I’m nothing if not truthful as a critic…”Vast Ocean Love” is an enjoyable, pleasant experience…like holding hands with your sister. It eases you sweetly into the record in a way that’s similar to the caution you should probably take when lowering yourself onto a Bad Dragon. If you’re one of those folks that just wants to ram your music into you, chances are you’ll feel inclined to push skip & see what else might be here in this dose of Salty Slop.
I actually listened to someone else listening to “Lab Rat” to form my opinion about it, rather than listen to it myself at first. Which was weird for both of us, and if you’ve never done that before, it’s really just like listening to someone breathing. Anyhow. After it was finished, he said, “Sir,” with tears streaming down his face, “that was beautiful. I’ve never encountered something like this in my entire life – what do you call this?” I informed him that it was music, but his observations felt genuine, and it was such a glowing review that I finally felt inclined to have a listen – and as it turns out, there’s lots of music like this! I’ve totally heard stuff with piano, drums, bass, tambourine, vocals…”Lab Rat” was like…astounding normal in that regard. I did end up feeling like I really enjoyed the way he sung this song though…like he “stumbled upon” something that had no problem snagging my attention in its net from the very get-go. And to this very day, I still believe that’s true! Plus he’s got what appears to be quite insightful lines that are threaded into this second cut as well, like “with death on my tail I was born with the inclination to never look back.” I might be a naturally sarcastic asshole, but I can still recognize true genius when I see it. We are all the “Lab Rat” when you look at this song under the microscope, and I stand proudly with you all in solidarity as we continue “searching for something pure” on this floating garbage-rock of ours.
“He would stand up there before those crowds. And, by the way, without any musical instruments.” Gather ‘round the ol’ player-piano my old-timey folks, “The Rest Of My World” is on! To be honest with ya, Garage T. Rashington III, or GTR3 as I like to call him as it saves me a tremendous amount of time, puts in a metric ton of effort when it comes to the music he makes, and I’ll admit, it’s admirable. Will that fact get people listening to “The Rest Of My World?” No. He’s putting “years down the drain” by doing all that he does, and I can’t think of a better way to waste a whole bunch of one’s time. This is an interesting tune…I don’t often get caught feeling like I don’t really know what the hell to say about a song, but here we are and that’s the case – “The Rest Of My World,” is indeed, something you can listen to. Will you want to? Should you? Is it one of the album’s better songs, or worst? I don’t know the answer to any of these questions, but I’ll be the first to tell you that it’s pretty fuckin’ gloriously unique. In some ways, I’m convinced it’s like, GTR3 at his most artistically superhuman…and in others, I feel like this is a stellar example of how he’s making music so far over the heads of the average everyday listener that basically no one has a chance in hell of catching onto what this guy is creating, at any point, ever. So I suppose you can put that in your pipe and smoke it, knowing that whatever the residual substance in your pipe won’t be enough to warp your mind to the point where you won’t understand a song like “The Rest Of My World” like you already weren’t going to understand it before, you know what I mean?
Finally! A song that I can relate to – “Hoops!” Basketball season is right around the corner, with preseason starting up on October 4th, and I can’t fucking wait! To get an anthem designed specifically for the new season…I mean…what a guy! Champion of champions is Garage T. Rashington III and do not let anyone tell you otherwise! What’s that? “Hoops” isn’t about basketball at all really, aside from one tiny reference? Well what’s it about then? Life!?! Who the fuck wants to hear about THAT shit – we’re already LIVING IT, aren’t we? Jesus. I should probably start this paragraph all over again. “To be honest – I’ll be honest, I thought it was a – I thought it was very close to complete victory” – but now I’m not so sure. He’s really done some exceptional things with the ideas he’s put onto this record through the piano, and I can acknowledge that even if he’s misled us all about what this song is really all about. He’s a deceitful bitch, but that’s okay…it would be harder not to love GTR3 than it would be to love him. The repetition of “Hoops” exposes him for the smartass he really is…because LIFE ITSELF is on repeat, every single fucking day of our lives. So when the hooks of “Hoops” start comin’ atcha again and again and again, it’s because that’s what life is like to LIVE IT, and as soon as we jump through one hoop, believe me, you’ll just find another waiting for you right after. This track wins the award for musical non-fiction. It also has some of my favorite background elements too. Which is basically everything in behind the lead vocals. He sings it fine, but it’s actually everything else that stands out the most when it comes to this particular song. Flip it all around if you ask me…the backing vocals should be the lead vocals here.
“I don’t know who Lil Jon is. I don’t – I really don’t.” That’s very true. If I did have his number at one time, I’ve unfortunately lost it, or deleted it to make room for real rockstars like Garage T. Rashington III, who I keep on speed dial. It’s in saying that, that I can tell you I actually had a sneak peak of “Kill Me, Baby” like, from practically a year ago when GTR3 was noodling around on the toilet and sent me a clip in advance. I tell ya…the life of a baller critic like me…you wouldn’t even understand it if you tried. Anyhow – I’ve actually been looking forward to getting my hands on a copy of this song ever since I heard that clip for the very first time, and that is NO BULLSHIT y’all. You might think a lot of what I’ve had to say throughout this review might not be ENTIRELY TRUTHFUL, but I assure you, I mean what I say about “Kill Me, Baby.” It’s a 10 out of 10, no notes situation…and very likely up there with my favorite GTR3 tracks of all time. You might not have believed a single word I’ve said up til this point, and I might not even blame you for feeling that way if you did – but this would be a good time to assume what I’m tellin’ ya is the gospel-ass truth. The freakin’ guitar in the background is genius, the whole like, lullaby gone-wrong atmosphere in the sound & in the lyricism is beyond brilliant too. And you know something else? This is one of my favorite songs to sing around the house, and one of my favorite tracks of 2024. I don’t want to brag or anything (okay, yes I do, and that’s exactly what’s going to follow…buckle the fuck up folks) but I absolutely knew this was going to be as amazing as it is from that tiny little clip sent from a toilet long ago & I’m solely responsible for encouraging GTR3 to get this gem recorded for you to hear.
With blood coming out his…wherever…our intrepid hero continues on into his new album’s second half. “Brain & Chain” is the audible equivalent of that soup you love that your Grandma used to make. You know the one…added in just about every ingredient she could find in her cupboards and fridge, and she probably made enough of it for a small army. You’re convinced it smells good enough, and that even though you saw her put leftover steak and an old boot into the pot, it’ll come out edible despite all the conflicting ingredients. Soon enough, you’re getting your first spoonful of it, trying to figure out if she really had black licorice somewhere in those cupboards when you were sure you threw it all out earlier with a bunch of expired anchovies, and whether or not that taste pairs well with the hint of cotton candy she added in from what was left in her purse from her latest trip to the county fair. Five minutes later and you’re tripping balls, licking the bowl – I get it, I know, we’ve all been there, I understand you. But yeah…”Brain & Chain” is a little bit like that, or a lot…I guess what I’m saying was that there is an element of this song that feels like creating for creating’s sake and having two pieces that would rarely if ever be thrust together…but what makes it fucking weird is that each part of it is pretty damn good. Do you want sardines with your ice cream? Maybe you do, maybe you don’t – I’m not here to judge, only critique. “Brain & Chain” is highly interesting for the contrast it contains, even if the choices seem odd.
He said doo doo. Huhuhhhuhhhuhhhhhuhhhuh. I mean, that alone had me paying attention to “One More Thing,” but I’m definitely a child. Thankfully, this song is meant to appeal to the youth in us as well. GTR3’s brain just moves in a different way than most of ours do…and it’s kind of up to us to keep up with him as we’re listening, as best we can. I’ll be real with ya…I have moments where I question just how much of a stable genius he really is, based on some of the stranger choices he can make, much like we just experienced with “Brain & Chain.” “One More Thing” also feels like it’s got more than one type of personality on display in the music…like…there’s a verse that works well enough…there’s a pre-chorus thingy that takes the song in a bit of a different direction…and then, after you think you’ve heard what this song has got to offer, Garage T drops the motherfucking MOAB into this tune, and sneaks in one of the best parts he’s ever written on a melodic level, even though it does not seem like it should belong here! So like…you know…where do you get off bud? Play it straight one time will ya, GTR3? What I’m tellin’ ya, is that the majority of artists and bands out there would have probably found a way to make THREE songs out of “One More Thing” – and while you can admire the ambition of including as many different twists and turns as he can into his music and acknowledge it’s really part of his overall brand – you’ll get to the main hooks in this song and wonder why we just get the one run through of it when that’s clearly its strength! Like, if he could have just made that part all along, then what’s the rest of the song for – you know what I mean? Go do, that. Whatever ‘that’ is, do that, but more. That’s my advice. It is what it is…I think we’re all kind of into the idea of variety until we run up against something we never want to stop listening to. “One More Thing” has ‘that,’ and I want more of it, that’s it, that’s all. I have to be in like, three separate moods to enjoy this entire song as it is currently constructed, but every mood I could ever be in appreciates the awesomeness of that spot around the ninety second mark. To be fair, I actually don’t hate the doo doo parts. I think I’d like’em better if they weren’t in the way of me getting to that part of this song I like a hell of a lot more, but sure, as an individual piece, it sounds good.
I dig the way “Sweet Maybe” settles into its groove. In the traditional style of Garage T. Rashington III, he makes sure to very sparingly let you have access to the part you’re probably gonna enjoy the most, but outside of that, he at least ensures you’ll remain interested. Like, he barely slips it in ya…just enough so that you’ll notice he was there, and that the holes in your life will be a bit wider than they were before he came around. What a gentleman! It’s probably the drums that’ll make the biggest impression on most listeners when it comes to this particular tune – I don’t know if I can vouch for the back & forth structure between the parts with and the parts without, but when they show up to play, we’ve got a game here. All-in-all, it’s got a smooth vibe to it when “Sweet Maybe” finds its footing…I don’t think that this song could necessarily just stand in the middle of 5th avenue, shoot someone and not lose any voters, but I’d reckon enough people will find something about this that they can enjoy. Whether it’s the profoundly poetic nature of his unique lyricism, or the completely awesome way that the drums contribute to this tune, or the way the vocals come out as it shifts into its next gear around the 1:45 mark…there are definitely elements that make a case for “Sweet Maybe” being one of the album’s stronger tunes at points. Am I convinced that GTR3 isn’t his own worst enemy when it comes to the overall accessibility of a song with his penchant to let you discover something you love only to rip it out quickly after, like Lucy stealing the pigskin for the millionth time from her bald educational cohort? Nope! He’s a villain in that regard, but he comes by it fairly honestly as far as I can tell. Garage T. Rashington III is a lover of many things, and he likes to switch things up more often than not. Just when you’re about to be comfortable, he likes to add an un to the situation.
Like I’ve been alluding to all along, we humans are fortunate to have this larger-than-life entity known as Garage T. Rashington III spend a minute or two with us as he sings us some tunes. He’d be doing things differently if he had his druthers I suspect, which he references on the final song “Standing Ovation” when he sings “I wanna sit on the moon with a telescope and watch you people like a TV show,” but alas, he’s got a whole species to protect in real-time. We’d be a disaster without him and his careful eye watching over us…we need his oddball commentary to keep us in line, lest we start to take ourselves too seriously. “Comedy, drama, fantasy – we have it all” – but what most folks don’t realize is that this is only the case because we have HIM providing it to us. There is a rumor going around the internet that he is solely responsible for EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE EVER LIKED…and I’m somewhat inclined to believe it. Whether it’s been “action, horror, romance” or otherwise, anything you’ve ever watched or you’ve ever heard all traces back to GTR3, who has been alive for thousands of years. In fact, when you hear about the Big Bang Theory, what that is really referring to, is the first absolutely outta control orgy the world ever saw, where Garage T populated the entire globe with his seed long before Nick Cannon ever got the idea to do the same. So throughout the years, he’s continued to be the only supplier of our entertainment, going by millions of different pseudonyms so that no one will ever really know the truth. Hell, I even have his permission to write this down in print for you, because he knows there is no one out there that would really believe what I’m telling you. “What you’re seeing and what you’re reading is not what’s happening” – and that’s exactly the way he likes it. The mystique surrounding Garage T. Rashington III is every bit as much of a draw as the music itself…he’s an eternal enigma, and we’re all better off for having him be a part of our world, even if we don’t all realize how much he contributes to it. “I, for one, will give a standing ovation” to him when all is said and done…as long as I don’t have to get out of bed to do it. Salty Slop ends on solid ground with a zany set of ideas and playful melody in “Standing Ovation” that still shows us a fair degree of heart within it, and thought behind it, and calls the curtain on another remarkable chapter into this dude’s legendary story. “We have it all” with GTR3 y’all – don’t take the man for granted, and be sure to give this guy’s music a listen. It’ll put real chest hairs on your lady nuts and give you bigger wings than a Redbull ever could.
Ultimately, there’s a whole lotta value somewhere in that, I think.
YOU CANNOT FIND ANYTHING ABOUT GARAGE T. RASHINGTON III ONLINE, but here’s where music is: https://music.apple.com/ca/artist/garage-t-rashington-iii/1663440965
HEY YOU! YES YOU! You – the person reading this RIGHT NOW! Instead of emailing us to find out how you could be the next up on our pages at sleepingbagstudios and waiting days for our response – just click here will ya!?!
