Cavernium Ul Throsk – infinita resonat mortis
Cavernium Ul Throsk – infinita resonat mortis – Album Review
Okay…I just put the title of all this up above, yes – but what in the fuck did I actually write?
You wanna have even MORE fun? Here’s the lineup of players on the record, infinita resonat mortis: WLURWERNNT (Pro-1 & Cat Synthesizers), ITTUULBRVRN (Bass), and good ol’ BLRRSCHKKTAPH (Rhythm King Mrk-2 Drum Machine) as I’m sure you’ve probably already surmised. Anyone still reading? No?
Sigh. We’ve lost the audience, and I’ve lost the plot. My life is so very, very strange sometimes.
Honestly, I fucking DARE YOU to push play. You won’t, but you should…just step into my shoes for a day and have a listen to the classic crooner, known as “Reborn To Larva” and do you damn best to make a baby to it that doesn’t come out nine months later with seven horns and a savagely curved spine. What, oh what, am I doing here? “Reborn To Larva” is the proverbial wall of sound at its tsunami-like enormity, and there’s basically not a chance in the world that even 1% of the population would be able to hang with a song that sounds like this. Of course, I mean that in the most complimentary way! You don’t make a track that sounds like “Reborn To Larva” without the intention of pushing away everyone that’s trying to listen, so like…congratulations on a mission accomplished Cavernium Ul Throsk? WTF!
Of course, you get to “Tyranny Of The Uversloth,” with little to discern the way it starts from the way the first track ended, and you have to really start wondering what you’re doing with your life if anything will change more than we’re experiencing early on. I’ll admit, I’m interested in the sense that it has been a long, long time since I’ve had “music” come at me so aggressively and so forcefully…so sure, why not put my ears right by the speakers just to see if I come out ear-blind by the end. Wait…that’s deaf I mean…good lord…I already can’t think – what chance do I have to make it to the end of this review and still somehow come out with the smarts I went into writing this with? What precious little rhythm or melody there is to be found is buried under six feet of static and whooshing sounds…so if that seems like it would be your jam, boy oh boy do I have an album for YOU!
What makes these tracks truly unique from one another is the title. You can obviously tell that a track like “Impaled Frozen Forgotten” is going to be so much different than what you’ve already experienced in cuts like “Reborn To Larva” and “Tyranny Of The Uversloth.” YES THAT’S SARCASM. What are we doing here Cavernium Ul Throsk? For real. WHAT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE? I’m old enough to remember when I’d fall asleep on the couch and wake up to the television stations having logged off for the night, leaving us only with static bouncing around onscreen and a sound just like what I’m hearing. I’m at a loss for words y’all…I do not know what Cavernium Ul Throsk could possibly want to hear in response, other than our unbridled, unfiltered agony. Is THIS what the kids are listening to these days? If so…like…how? You’ve heard construction sites make less noise than “Impaled Frozen Forgotten.”
Look…I’m not even necessarily saying this doesn’t take SOME skill…I’m…*gulp…sure that it does somehow. What I am saying is that there are practically no sets of ears on the planet that would be able to identify one of these tracks in the lineup when compared with each other. Are you telling me that YOU can do it Cavernium Ul Throsk? If you were playing live, and you launched into “Tyranny Of The Uversloth” by accident when you meant to play “Machinations Of The Lagomorph,” don’t even try to convince me that you wouldn’t just roll with it, or that you had fans at the front of the stage screaming that it was the wrong song – who could tell? I’m an audiophile, so don’t get me wrong, I’ve actually listened to this record SEVERAL times over this past week or so, and I’m sure that Cavernium UI Throsk has got the data evidence to prove that. As to what I’ve been listening to, I still do not really know.
Okay. I think…nope…that’s how much I was able to type…I was going to say that “I think Cavernium Ul Throsk is finally going to let us breathe for a second” and was once again cut off by the static factory. If you’ve ever heard the sound of wind brutally jamming your audio in like, a field recording or something, that’s about as close of a comparison as you’re going to get to something like this album. I’ve listened to some remarkably tough stuff throughout the years…frequencies and tones from artists like Aphex Twin that most people can’t withstand, hack projects like My Little Morties and Many Butts, and the weirdest of the weird like Passenger Of Shit…and I still feel like I’m lost for words here in trying to describe the experience of listening to Cavernium Ul Throsk. It’s meant to be shocking, so again, congrats, consider that a goal fulfilled and all…but you gotta wonder what the motivation is to take so much time & effort to make a record like this. Cavernium Ul Throsk isn’t listening to Cavernium Ul Throsk y’all – that’s the stone cold reality here. It wouldn’t do me a damn lick of good to try and butter this dude’s nuts and try to claim that what we’re hearing is sonic gold here – you wouldn’t trust another word I ever said if that was the way I did things. As always, pass or fail, I tell you what I’m thinking regardless of what anyone else will do. I hate to be the bearer of breaking news folks, but spoiler alert – not everyone likes what critics have to say! Again, I listen to “Insufferable Fallen By Blade” and know what the goals are for this project…this ain’t my first rodeo and every reaction I’ve had so far is likely as predictable as the day is long. infinita resonat mortis is entirely meant to be provocative and it absolutely succeeds in being that.
So lemme guess…Cavernium Ul Throsk went with “Punctured For Maggots” as the logical choice for being the single, given that it almost dares to do at least one thing differently with that mean-ass volume spike at the start of its static production? I’ma just be real with ya…because clearly I haven’t been that for like, EVERY sentence of this freakin’ review so far…but like…I wonder what the logic here really is in keeping what might actually be something worth listening to buried so deep into the mix where we can’t discern it at all or separate it from the rest of the sound surrounding it? Why even add that in there, you know what I mean? Most folks are gonna hear this suggestion of possible music at the bottom of this pit of relentless white noise, and likely conclude it’s actually their goddamn imagination, as opposed to something that’s actually IN the song they’re listening to – so why even go to the trouble of including it? Is withstanding a track like “Punctured For Maggots” some kind of test of the human spirit or our willpower? I applaud the professional restraint in the breakdown at the very end. Pip pip.
Okay…four more left to go. I can’t wait to hear how different they will certainly be from each other, right? At some point you have to recognize when the mirror has been turned back around to face you. Most critics out there say a bunch of bullshit that isn’t even based in reality – at the very least, you know I’m being real with ya. “Bleeding Out Left To Die” ain’t gonna please your mom and pop…it’s just not. You’re not gonna hear “Bleeding Out Left To Die” in the lineup at the bank. It’s not gonna be a part of the soundtrack to the next movie with Nicolas Cage. It’s not going to be somebody’s wedding song. It is pure, unadulterated chaos in sonic form, and while there IS actually a bit more noticeable variation in the madness of “Bleeding Out Left To Die,” it’s about as minimal a flex in that direction as you could likely imagine. We’re talkin’ about increments of iotas folks…Cavernium Ul Throsk has made its choice on how to make one song ten times over, and you’re not gonna find a tremendous amount of deviation.
Yawn. Stretch. Daylight looks like it’s fading out there. Maybe I’m dying. Am I dying? I might be dying. Hey – this album is still going! We’re at…looks like…”Lair Of The Marsupiant” at this point in the set-list. Who knew? Couple of unique pieces of static percussion that might tell your ears what song it is I guess. My dog is looking at me like this is the worst day she’s ever had, and I feel like I’m looking at her with a similar expression. I’m all for art and pushing the boundaries y’all…you eight regular readers here know that…but like…there’s just not enough variation here whatsoever. I don’t care if Cavernium Ul Throsk has put in a lifetime’s worth of effort into every track, when you add everything that’s in your fridge to a meal, nothing tastes good and it’s all one color by the end, you feel me? I get it, I get it…Black Metal is an acquired taste to say the least – but it can still be good, I promise you. I don’t have any words of encouragement here…I’m not gonna tell Cavernium Ul Throsk to keep at it or hang in there…this is head for the hills type stuff that is going to appeal to .001% of us, which again, is precisely what the mind behind this madness genuinely wanted to hear. If I really wanted to be insulting, I would have told you that every one of these tracks is irresistible and ready for mainstream consumption. My disdain for the horror that I’m listening to is absolutely THE selling point this dude is looking for, and so here we are.
Gut-check time…we can do this…we can hang in for a couple more tracks, right? It’s all one big-ass cut anyhow, isn’t it? I’m genuinely surprised it wasn’t just one long song. I’m gonna request “Dumped In The Heap” from my local DJ the next time I phone in to win whatever local contest is going on – wouldn’t that be something? I’ll be like, YO – THIS cut, is the babymaker yo…”Dumped In The Heap” has all that variation and diversity we’ve been looking for in the music of Cavernium Ul Throsk all along, and THEN some! Surely my words would convince them to play it, right? As long as they didn’t listen for themselves and took me purely at my word and then turned the volume all the way down so that their station went completely radio-silent, I’m confident we could get “Dumped In The Heap” on air. Jesus. So…okay…infinita resonat mortis was designed to be a…what was it again? “A relentless blasting face melter.” Cool. Again, it’s all about the goals…if that’s what this dude set out to make, he did it. Rejoice!
And so we end where we basically began, in a tornado of furious sound that’s trying to punch you in the brain. Thank WLURWERNNT that my skull is so damn thick that it cannot be penetrated by knowledge, by crowbar, or even by sounds this extreme. What to say about the conclusion of the album with the finale of “Dead Dying Again” y’all…what nuggets of knowledge can I pass onto you that I’ve yet to fully express. Hmmmmmmmmm. It’s painful. Yeah – there we go! I should have led with that. If you haven’t sucked down more than your advised recommend dose of Tylenol or morphine to start your listening journey with infinita resonat mortis, I highly advise that you do that. There is almost no other way anybody out there is gonna survive listening to this record without some form of serious self-medication or premeditated amputation of the ears. Not sure what else to tell ya folks – this ain’t it! I have no idea how much time I’ve spent listening to this record over this past week trying to remember which end is up or if I’ve finally crashed the house into the land of Oz yet, but I feel like it has indeed, been measured in several forevers. I am…exhausted. Spent. Maybe even a little mad? English definition or the regular one…either likely applies. Thankful to finally be at the end, and grateful to have somehow survived this nightmarish experience. There we go – that’s as positive as I can be – you’re welcome!
You don’t have to take my word for damn thing, ever – click play yourself and see what you think.
Find music by Cavernium Ul Throsk at Bandcamp here: https://caverniumulthrosk.bandcamp.com
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