Gary Lloyd Noland – THERE’S NO THERE WHERE?
Gary Lloyd Noland – THERE’S NO THERE WHERE? – Album Review
There ain’t no forgetting an artist like Gary Lloyd Noland. Heck, I still haven’t forgotten the other players this one-man ensemble plays with, which includes Orlan Doy Glandly, Lon Gaylord Dylan, Arnold Day Longly, Darnold Olly Yang, and of course, the inimitable Dolly Gray Landon. They’re all here back in action to assist Gary in whatever role they play…bangin’ on stuff & makin’ them weird noises in the back of his mind & whatnot…if you wanna learn more about them and the who’s who of who is in The Pimpleton Procrasturbation Ensemble, you should probably have a read on the review I wrote on Gary’s music last year. Suffice it to say, it does not get much more proudly strange than an artist like Noland is.
Having said that, this dude is definitely gonna have to admit he’s simply just addicted to noise one day. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll sit here and listen to just about anything, but that might say a bit more about me than it might about Noland…or at least vouch for what we have in common. As things rattle and chirp and beep and whirl and ratatattat into place with “INFERNAL BILATERAL DOUBLE-DIGIT FIDGETS” – you’ll get a great idea of what you’re in-store for with the music Gary’s making. Somewhere between the realms of where Classical meets Experimental on the outer edges of the fringe – “INFERNAL BILATERAL DOUBLE-DIGIT FIDGETS” is about as much proof as you’ll need to know he’s an audiophile. There’s a song in the background somewhere, being played skillfully on the piano – but that is hardly the main feature here, nor is it intended to be; Gary’s much more enamored with his whiddly-beeps, clicks, wind-up clocks, goops and boops, than he is with the idea of making anything straightforward for ya.
And so, as “HARMONIOUS WEDLOCK” begins, it becomes instantly clear that if you did not enjoy the opening track, you should probably bail out now, because it ain’t gonna get any more normal, you dig? It’s not JUST noise though, to be crystal clear – this is painstakingly assembled stuff, where each and every sound you experience really does have a chance to shine in the mix, and actually reach your ears. “HARMONIOUS WEDLOCK,” at its robust nine-plus minutes in length, is obviously not gonna be the song you put on to sing along with on your way to work – but if you like to imbibe on a spirit or two, smoketh them fatties or otherwise, believe me – you’ll never want to stop listening to songs like “HARMONIOUS WEDLOCK,” or indeed this album at-large. The average everyday listeners out there stands absolutely zero chance of finding their way into a record like this, but believe me when I tell ya, that ain’t why Gary is doing what he does. He ain’t here to find a way to please the masses – he actually exists to prove the theorem that sound is an art form, that it’s ALIVE, and that it can do so much more than we realize. So you get gigantic songs like “HARMONIOUS WEDLOCK” that don’t at all try to hide the oddities they are. I’m here for it y’all. I ain’t gonna be the guy to tell you that every day is going to be a Gary Lloyd Noland day, but I am certainly tellin’ ya that I’ve got time, love, and respect for an artist as zany as this dude is.
As the choir-like beginning of “SLAPSTICK REQUIEM” starts, you can tell that Noland has decided to finally buckle-down and create something focused, for the non-A.D.D. crowd. Something you could put on in the background and write your next thesis to. Something that you’d play in a bank, or a library, or arrange to keep playing in your tomb for the next century if you have the money, and a hefty supply of batteries. Alright – I am of course, lying to you right here out in the open. Not about the sound, but about the strength of either Duracell or Energizer products…they are not equipped to be the solution for your tomb-like needs, and I apologize for misleading you. Anyhow. “SLAPSTICK REQUIEM” is a song! I do not know that the average everyday listener would understand that “INFERNAL BILATERAL DOUBLE-DIGIT FIDGETS” has officially ended, or that we’ve squeezed in the nine-plus minutes of “HARMONIOUS WEDLOCK” as well…I assume they probably think they’re listening to one BIG OL’ SONG (ALL CAPS) and they’re somewhat kinda not really all that wrong about that (maybe). Ahhh yes – I do enjoy artists like Mr. Noland that embrace creative freedom and really take it for a ride like they’re Hunter S. Thompson in a company provided vehicle aiming at seeing how many curbs they can jump in a single trip to the supermarket and back. You’ll hear everything from nature noises to synthetic sounds along the way through “SLAPSTICK REQUIEM” – in that sense, is it not a completely accurate sonic metaphor for LIFE?
“Pianist Myrna Setiawan performs Etude, Op. 1, No. 10 by Gary Lloyd Noland” is a song with a title that practically writes this review for me, so of course I love it! Anytime I can put my feet up over here, relax, and have a review do the work without ME doing the work, I am 100% in favor of it – so bring on “Pianist Myrna Setiawan performs Etude, Op. 1, No. 10 by Gary Lloyd Noland” I say! It’s an exquisitely complex piano piece that’s just over two-minutes in length, but “Pianist Myrna Setiawan performs Etude, Op. 1, No. 10 by Gary Lloyd Noland” is a genuine joy to listen to. To be honest, “Pianist Myrna Setiawan performs Etude, Op. 1, No. 10 by Gary Lloyd Noland” is actually that much closer to a typical song than you’d ever expect from Gary’s catalog, but don’t go thinking that makes “Pianist Myrna Setiawan performs Etude, Op. 1, No. 10 by Gary Lloyd Noland” any less strange. Strangely beautiful perhaps, but “Pianist Myrna Setiawan performs Etude, Op. 1, No. 10 by Gary Lloyd Noland” is strange all the same. You know what they say, songs like “Pianist Myrna Setiawan performs Etude, Op. 1, No. 10 by Gary Lloyd Noland” are gonna do what songs like “Pianist Myrna Setiawan performs Etude, Op. 1, No. 10 by Gary Lloyd Noland” do, because that’s how songs like “Pianist Myrna Setiawan performs Etude, Op. 1, No. 10 by Gary Lloyd Noland” genuinely work. Everyone out there still with me? Absolutely fantastic!
BACK TO THE LAND OF SONGS IN ALL-CAPS, WE CRUISE RIGHT INTO “NEW YEAR’S TREPIDATION,” AND BACK INTO GARY’S PENCHANT FOR THE BIZARRE. AS I TOLD YOU LONG AGO, I’M FREAKIN’ here for it FOLKS – I COULD SIT AND LISTEN TO THIS ALBUM FOR HOURS ON END. IT’S PROBABLY A GOOD TIME FOR ME TO REVEAL TO YOU THAT I’VE BEEN CHAINED TO A RADIATOR IN SOME RANDOM DUDE’S BASEMENT FOR THE PAST DECADE AND HAVE LITERALLY NO CHOICE THAN TO LISTEN TO WHATEVER IS PUT ON FOR ME, BUT I STILL WOULDN’T LIE TO YOU ABOUT WHAT I HEAR. send help. “NEW YEAR’S TREPIDATION” HAS ME SWIMMING WITH THE POSSIBILITY & HOPE THAT A LITTLE (police, really, please) SUNSHINE WILL COME THROUGH THE TINY WINDOW DOWN HERE TODAY AND THAT MAYBE I’LL GET SOME FRESH AIR AT LONG LAST. “NEW YEAR’S TREPIDATION” IS THE SONG THAT MAKES ME DREAM ABOUT THE POTENTIAL OF freedom REJOINING THE VALLEY OF MALLS WE’VE CREATED HERE ON EARTH.
“ANDROID ECDYSIAST RUBADUB” is next. FUN FACT y’all – ECDYSIAST does not get tripped up by the ol’ spell-check system here in Microsoft Paradise…so that must indeed, mean that it’s a certifiable WORD of some kind. So lemme check that out while Gary’s busy breaking windows in the background, adding them BEATS into the mix for you while you listen YO, and busting up the new-millennium grooves for the millennium to come after the next one. Let’s see, let’s see…an ‘ECDYSIAST’ is a…OH! Well…that’s not G-rated now is it? Wait! Yes it is – Gary’s name starts with a G, so it must be G-rated after all. As it turns out, in the world according to Google, an ‘ECDYSIAST’ is a “striptease performer” – which explains how I got naked I suppose, loosely. I might have STARTED writing this review naked but that is between me and GOD folks, and I’ll thank you kindly for minding your own damn business. Suffice it to say, RUBADUBDUB, three ANDROIDS in a tub, still do not make up for one awesome ECDYSIAST folks, sorry.
“WHIPPING THE NIGHT ORGASTIC” is a beautiful play on “TRIPPING THE LIGHT FANTASTIC” – and I might just have to adopt this new phrasing. It should be pointed out, dear readers, dear friends…that no one should mistake Gary’s musical madness for whimsical weakness – this dude is probably smarter than you, me, and everyone you love combined. You don’t end up turning this hard to the left when you could easily go right and make your millions – you do it on purpose, with intent, armed with passion – and that’s actually the facts, Jack. If you are too NORMAL, you will FAIL at listening to the music of Gary Lloyd Noland, and may as well be flogged with various trash newspapers in a public square in full view. If you think you are among the CHOSEN FEW that will recognize such awesomeness as “WHIPPING THE NIGHT ORGASTIC” than I do indeed wish you the best of luck in your endeavor to listen, as I prepare the rolling of a Star Magazine to slap that ass of yours with the face of a naughty celebrity like you deserve. You might not hear anything at all if you put this album on and don’t have the capacity for it. Instead of Gary’s crooning style of smooth R&B, you might actually hear a bunch of crazy noises that don’t seem to make any logical sense instead – and how weird would that be, right? Go on and take the Pepsi challenge for yourself…put this on and see what you hear! Do you hear the single-worthy sound of America’s next top Pop star – or do you hear a whole bunch of clicks, beeps, whirs, and gamoonadorfs? I’m among the most savvy of listeners dear readers, dear friends – and even I hear the gamoonadorfs.
I don’t know that Gary wrote “TECH WALTZ” for the recent collapse of Silicon Valley Bank, but I don’t know that he didn’t either – so you can quote me on that if you like. At this point in the record, I think it’s crucial to point out the fact that he’s warped my own brain beyond repair, and that I might not actually be able to listen to anything ‘normal’ ever again without just laughing like I’m Renfield looking up at the moon through the aforementioned tiny crack of this small basement window. I do however, like to ponder the idea of my peers writing about this record…I bet they be all like, YO THIS IS LIT FAM! I bet they be like, THIS IS THAT ALBUM Y’ALL! I bet they be like, SEE YOU AT THE GRAMMYS DAWG! And I agree with them all for once. Noland is a cut above the rest of us average humans, and work as profoundly moving as THERE’S NO THERE WHERE? completely proves it. Look at it this way – Noland makes the music, which is entertainment for us – but how we end up responding to it, is actually the entertainment for HIM (how META!). Do you realize which side of the glass that you’re on folks? HE IS STUDYING US. HE IS LEARNING. HE IS OMNIPOTENT. HE CANNOT BE STOPPED. AND WE SHOULD BE CONCERNED. “TECH WALTZ” is THE song that will provoke your machines to dance, and help you to understand that resistance is futile and that we actually gave into that fact many, many moons ago y’all.
Much like how “Pianist Myrna Setiawan performs Etude, Op. 1, No. 10 by Gary Lloyd Noland” wrote itself a whole paragraph of this review earlier on without any effort whatsoever from yours truly here, “CANDYFLOSS FOR TINSEL DESPOTS: PEACE, LOVE, JOY, AND ALL THAT JAZZ” practically works in the exact same way, don’t you think? I find many similarities between “Pianist Myrna Setiawan performs Etude, Op. 1, No. 10 by Gary Lloyd Noland” and how “CANDYFLOSS FOR TINSEL DESPOTS: PEACE, LOVE, JOY, AND ALL THAT JAZZ” came out here in this review when it comes to the substance of what I had to say about’em. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that, both “Pianist Myrna Setiawan performs Etude, Op. 1, No. 10 by Gary Lloyd Noland” AND “CANDYFLOSS FOR TINSEL DESPOTS: PEACE, LOVE, JOY, AND ALL THAT JAZZ” are both featured on this album in the set-list of songs, and have a really hard time disputing that. I could argue the differences between “Pianist Myrna Setiawan performs Etude, Op. 1, No. 10 by Gary Lloyd Noland” and “CANDYFLOSS FOR TINSEL DESPOTS: PEACE, LOVE, JOY, AND ALL THAT JAZZ” – but I don’t think that you’d hear me out, because you’re intensely judgmental (and you know it, clap your hands) – so it’s probably best that I move on to the next song & acknowledge that art inspires art.
FINALLY, we have reached the true centerpiece of the record, it’s titular track – “THERE’S NO THERE WHERE?” – the moment you’ve essentially been waiting for, am I right? If nothing else, beyond his incredible ability to craft compelling compositions unlike ANY OTHER – Gary is also a master of the art of the reveal…so forgive him if it felt like you’ve had to travel through space and time to reach this point on the record, that was all part of the plan from the beginning folks. To be real with ya, for a brief moment well-hidden within this massively extensive meandering I somehow call a ‘review’ on his work – I honestly do think the guy’s probably an undeniable genius or at the very least, a brilliant sociologist. Does getting to this title-track feel like you’ve reached the series finale of Lost, and like you get all the answers to the questions that you’ve been looking for? It probably DOES! No one REALLY got all the answers to everything that happened on Lost in the first place, so if you agreed with that statement, you’re not an intellectual, you’re simply insincere. Gary gets you both coming and going throughout the winding composition that is “THERE’S NO THERE WHERE? and continually has an ironclad grip on making it feel like down is up, up is down, and that the walls are closing in on you to squeeze you like a tomater.
“FUGHETTA for piano, Op. 1, No. 14 (1983)” is actually a normal, piano-based tune. I realize that you have no actual reason to believe me about that, or Gary for that matter at this point in the record, but I have a feeling that’s probably why he did it. Committing to the intense demands of NOT GETTING WEIRD WITH IT for a whole minute & nineteen seconds, which is a gratuitous assessment considering the silence found at the end of this track, he plays “FUGHETTA for piano, Op. 1, No. 14 (1983)” in a straightforward manner, to remind us all that somewhere underneath this madness, he is still human.
“MÉLANCOLIE FLEGMATIQUE” is the kind of song that makes a reviewer go searching online for what makes the little hat appear on a capital E. Rumor has it that it’s ALT 144, or even ALT 0201 – but DO NOT fall for such nonsensory – these are the lies of BIG CAPITAL, simply trying to suck us all in once again. I for one, am done with it – I will not be duped anymore – I’M MY OWN MAN AND I DON’T NEED THEIR ‘HELP’ – so what you see onscreen is a tiny little line that I’ve actually drawn in over the capital E personally. I was originally going to sell it as an NFT to make even more money off this review and sucking the life out of the independent community as I get RICH and live off the fat of the land, but then I decided to create an entirely NEW category of digital art, called NF-TÉÉs, which you can now purchase for the low-low price of your middle child. I ain’t looking for no firstborn stuff, that’s unreasonable and I am nothing if not a completely benevolent king. “MÉLANCOLIE FLEGMATIQUE” is more of that beautiful noise and crazy compositional style you know and love, as featured on the compilation of Now That’s What I Call Absolutely F**CKING CRAZY Volume 117, released by MTV back in the late 1890s when that station was still at their peak relevance, with a video that appeared between classic Jersey Shore reruns.
As we come to the finale of the record with “Pianist Kaori Katayama Noland performs TABLOID, Op. 29, No. 2” it has become crystal clear that my brain has melted beyond function or repair, and that I wrote this entire review with the assistance of good ol’ AI and Chat GPT, like any serious writer would do. Gary – you are a musical madman my friend – and it has been nothing but a sincere pleasure to listen to such an album like this that purports to throw off the entire audience that would listen to it, truly. No joke folks – I’ve enjoyed my time here! Probably even more-so than listening to YOUR latest record, so take THAT! Especially if your band IS Take That – then seriously TAKE THAT, and twice! “Pianist Kaori Katayama Noland performs TABLOID, Op. 29, No. 2” is actually freakin’ great…and a reminder that we’d all be listening to Noland’s music even IF he ever made the choice to play it all for ya straightforwardly one day, which I can practically assure you, he will not. Think of it this way folks – it might be bizarre, odd, strange, wild, and crazy as crazy can be – but there IS serious identity in what he creates both in its sound and compositional aspects. I remembered Gary Lloyd Noland before, and I’ll remember him long after this ‘review’ is published too…and in that respect, you gotta admire what he accomplishes with his art. Far too many people drown in the sea of sameness y’all…whereas Gary floats above it all by at least three inches, like a freakin’ god amongst mere mortals – true story.
Find out more about Gary Lloyd Noland at his official website: https://garynolandcomposer.com
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